365 Days

A year ago today is one of my favorite days and it will be for the rest of my life. 

One year ago I married this sweet thang 💕

People always say the first year of marriage will either be the best or hardest year. For Caiden and I it was *drum roll please* quite difficult. Anyone who knows us and our relationship knows we're both very stubborn people. We knew this early on into dating but we both still chose each other because after all "Choose your love and love your choice" (Thomas S. Monson comin in clutch for that one).

For sometime, I've known I've wanted to write a blog post about our anniversary, but I didn't know how to write all that this year has encompassed for us. I thought I'd start with a few things I've learned over the year and see where it takes me...

1. LESS SELFISHNESS MORE SELFLESSNESS - ugh this one is so hard and I'm embarrassed to admit that. You love someone so it should be easy to put their needs before yours...right? Welp. I'm still human and it's dang hard to forget about me myself and I. I'm workin' on it. I promise. 
2. STOP COUNTING - It doesn't matter if I did the dishes the last 5 times or he's cleaned our room everyday this week. We're a partnership and we work together to make this life of ours work. If you want your spouse to help out with something, just ask. Don't overthink it in your head like me so much so that it just comes out all in frustration. 
3. COMMUNICATION - Wowza. All the things I've learned about communication in the last 365 days. This one. Oy. This one is so very near and dear to my heart. I've gone to therapy on and off for years now. Going to therapy over the past year and learning how to communicate has been something I've treasured. Although I fail at this one often, I am so so happy with the progress I've made and the patience I've gained. Plug in - Therapy is amazing. If you are on the fence of calling and setting up an appointment. Do it. You won't regret it. Be honest and open and if you're not jiving with your therapist, there is no shame in asking for a new one😌
4. THE DAILY - When I say this, I'm referring to the daily jobs that are the most mundane and annoying tasks (to me) in marriage. Laundry, doing the dishes, and unloading and loading the dishwasher. Some weeks I am the most housewife-y wife I can be. I'm on top of it all, the kitchen is clean, the laundry is folded, dinner was homemade and delicious... HAHA. When I say some weeks, I'd say maybe a solid month or two of our marriage has looked like this.
5. MARRIAGE IS HARD - Ya know how people always say, "The mission is so hard, but so worth it." You don't really understand what 'hard' means until you're out knockin' doors with a companion you may not have the best relationship with and know you'll be together for at least the next six weeks. It's 'hard' going out and talking to strangers all day and just praying that one person will listen to your message. Yeah. Well, marriage is hard. 'Hard' in the way that you have to sometimes let things that bother you go, say "I'm sorry" first AND mean it (which means you recognize your wrongdoing instead of pointing fingers at theirs), do things that may not interest you at all, but because your significant other enjoys it, you do it annnndd etc etc etc etc. There are so many things...
6. MISSOURI - I never knew I could love a place so much. When Caiden and I were dating and we were out there visiting his family. I remember one evening we sat outside and watched the stars. Stargazing is so much better in Missouri. The world slows down over there. 
7. THE GOSPEL - I've learned that even when we are reading our scriptures, praying, and going to church, marriage is still hard. BUT. We're stronger and more prepared for the troubled times when we are making this a priority in our relationship. 
8. AUBREY WILKINS - Big LOL cause I still haven't legally changed my name. How do you do it anyways? I'm living a confused life as I'm Aubrey Wilkins in the church and in my personal life, but as soon as taxes asked me for my full name - I wasn't sure what my name was😂
9. FRIENDS - Caiden and I are very happy to announce that we still indeed have friends. Many friends. We kicked that "be ready to lose all your friends after marriage" crap out the window.
10. MARRIAGE IS SOME TYPE OF WONDERFUL -  I love coming home to Caiden everyday. I love that we don't have to pencil time in to see each other, it automatically happens. I love after a heated argument, we are close and talk about what we could have done differently. I love his family and am so grateful they are in my life forever. 

I saw a facebook post a few months back that has really stuck with me. A girl was saying how she went out with a bunch of her girlfriends and they were all talking about their dating lives and all the butterflies that come with it. This girl, married, became troubled as she started to miss all those first date/first kiss butterflies. When she got home that evening to a messy house and fighting children, her husband could tell she was off. After she cleaned up and got the kids to bed, her husband returned home from the store with her favorite treats letting her know that he could tell she needed a night to relax and enjoy the things she loves. She no longer was jealous of her friends and those butterflies, she was grateful to have someone by her side that knew her so well and was a rock in her life. 

I reflect often on the first date jitters CAIDEN had. (After we ordered our food and needed to pay before we sat down, Caiden just walked off... The cashier and I just looked at each other then back at Caiden and he quickly turned around, flushed, and paid for the meal...then continued to tell me at the table "You can probably tell I'm nervous, huh?") The jitters I had showing up to his apartment when a big social gathering was happening and hoping Caiden wouldn't leave my side cause *social anxiety* amirite? (happy to report he didn't and it's one of my most favorite memories)

I think about this girls story above and most definitely miss the "honeymoon stage" of our relationship, but having Caiden day by day to learn and grow with overpasses those butterflies. 

Celebrating our anniversary, quarantined, surely is not how I pictured it, but we made the best out of the situation. Thanks Corona!

- Aubrey Wilkins? .. Turner?