procrastination at it's finest.

Just some thoughts... thought I'd share.

1 // LOLing at how finals are this week. Praying for my future husband rn! < dad/mom/old peeps-that means right now.

2 // I'm absolutely exhausted that even smiling is a workout.

3 // I still have so much Christmas shopping to do. I'm not quite sure when I'll get to it on top of studying.

4 // Did I mention that finals are this week?

5 // Dating is difficult and I always find myself wanting to lay in bed instead.

6 // Dating isn't even in my vocabulary anymore. What is dating? Ew.

7 // I haven't done groceries since the beginning of November. Thank goodness for Lucky Charms.

8 // I semi danced (hardly danced at all) for the first time in a year and a half on Sunday and I'm so unbelievably sore. Gosh I miss it.

9 // Taylor Swift is still on repeat.

10 // People ask me what I do for fun, I answer with "Well, I like my roommates sooo staying home is pretty great". But seriously. You can probably find me at my apartment if I'm not at school or work.

11 // I envy anyone who can sing well.

12 // Shopping has been such a great stress reliever but when I see my bank account after I lay in bed and tell myself they were all good purchases. Sometimes even call my mom for some comforting words "Aubrey, think about it this way. If you didn't get it you would regret it later. You would be saying to yourself "I wish I would have gotten those shoes"." True dat! Thanks Mom!

13 // When I go home to salt lake my sweet Sophie chooses to cuddle with me rather than my mom.

14 // I'm writing this blog post just to procrastinate my studying even more.

15 // Despite the rough days, I'm absolutely happy with where I'm at. I love how much I'm learning and growing as a young adult.

Love,

Aubrey Marie

How many 'thumbs up' are you getting?

So here I am, about to rant to you again. But I think this rant will be good. So listen up!! ...Well I guess "read" up? sure. haha

Somethings been on my mind for the past few hours.

Pride.

Oh how prideful our generation has become.

"BUT FIRST. Let me take a Selfie."

Of course I've taken selfies and of course I've posted them to social media. I too am guilty of being prideful, but a few weeks ago I realized that none of it mattered. It doesn't matter how many double taps I get on my Instagram picture, how many thumbs up I get on Facebook, or how many golden stars I get on Twitter. Too often we are searching for man's approval, but how often are we searching for His approval?

Until a few weeks ago, all I wanted was praise from friends, family, and random strangers I didn't even know. But it wasn't until I started to trust in God and align my will with his that I realized that all this worldly stuff didn't matter. It doesn't matter what my neighbor thinks of me, it doesn't matter what the cute boy downstairs thinks... well I mean okay maybe a little. But not in the way of "Do I look good?" "Is that a ZIT??" "Is my hair on point?" but it matters of my service rendered to them, it matters of the example I'm setting and if I'm sharing with others Christ's light that is within me.

"The Doctrine and Covenants tells us that the Book of Mormon is the "record of a fallen people." (D&C 20:9) Why did they fall? This is one of the major messages of the Book of Mormon. Mormon gives the answer in the closing chapters of the book in these words: "Behold, the pride of this nation, or the people of the Nephites, hath proven their destruction." (Moro. 8:27) ... "Beware of pride, lest ye become as the Nephites of old." (D&C38:39)" - Ezra Taft Benson "Beware of Pride"

I highly suggest you read President Benson's talk ^^ It's an eye opener for sure.

A few of my favorite things he says are:

"The proud wish that God would agree with them. They aren't interested in changing their opinions to agree with God's."

guilty.

"What will men think of me? weighs heavier than What will God think of me?"

guilty..

"Would we not do well to have the pleasing of God as our motive rather than to try to elevate ourselves above our brother and outdo another?"

guilty...

"Selfishness is one of the more common faces of pride. "How everything affects me" is the center of all that matters--self-conceit, self-pity, worldly self-fulfillment, self-gratification, and self-seeking."

Once again.... 

How simple and how true! Many times I have thought my way was better than His, that what my boyfriend thought of me was more important than what God thought of me. I was the epitome of prideful. It wasn't until I truly had a broken heart and a contrite spirit that I was ready to humble myself and align my will with His. Honestly one of the hardest times in my life but 100% worth it.

Too many times I depended upon the world to tell me whether or not I had value and far too often my self-esteem was lowered because I wasn't like so and so or I didn't look like Julianne Hough... sadly I just admitted that to you all. I say 'you all' like I actually have readers other than the fam bam. (I can always count on you guys!)

Yes, I know that pride is something that catches us all at some point or another but President Benson gives us the antidote for pride and that is humility--meekness, submissiveness.

Mosiah 3:19
For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father.

Of course we will have hard days but trust that you are never alone--He is there beside you. It's when we push through the hard times that God pours out his blessings for us. (Don't get me wrong.. He's always ready to bless us and is blessing us as we speak.)

Yes, I will probably still post selfies, but they are no longer to see how much approval I get but because I'm confident and feel beautiful in my own skin. As should all of you.

Let us rid of our pride and become as children.

Sincerely,

Lobster

God is Good

Today I am grateful for the power of prayer. I'm grateful for a Savior who loves and listens to us 24/7. The past few weeks have been terribly rough and as I sat down with my bishopric to give me a priesthood blessing I talked to them about all my fears, worries, hurt, and hopes. They told me how extremely blessed I am and how I can use the Atonement to help aid me to feel joy and peace through this trial. As I sat back being bitter and sobbing for which felt like days my heart was softened and I realized that the only person that could truly help me through this was my Heavenly Father.

It was then when I started to pray like crazy. "Father please take this from me" "Please comfort me" ... as my prayers continued in asking for help they have slowly turned to thank you's and asking for understanding. Although I still ask for help MANY times in my prayers I still see that this trial is helping me become the person that my Savior wants me to be and for that I am so grateful. I'm changing in the ways that I have always wanted to and I know that I am being prepared for something great. Although this time has been incredibly hard for me, prayer has been their to comfort me in the darkest of times.

When I feel anger, sadness, confusion, frustration etc. I immediately turn to Heavenly Father and ask for understanding. I reiterate that I know he has a plan for me and that this is a major part of his plan. I'm working on trusting him 100% and that is such a huge step for me. I'm constantly putting faith in him and through it all I am developing a relationship with my Savior and that is one gift that I will never trade for anything.

I have become extremely humble and know that our Savior is ready to pour blessings upon us. I can't begin to tell you how much peace I have felt, how much past luggage I have left behind and how confident I am that my future will be blessed. (because lets be real I'm a worry wart and the future is something that's always stressed me out).

Praying has comforted me throughout my days and even during the middle of the night. Because our Heavenly Father is there 24/7 I know that at anytime during the day I can turn to him and he will listen. It may have taken me 19 years to strongly believe that he is listening but through this time I know that he is because of the amount of peace and love I have felt.

I Need Thee Every Hour will always be one of my favorite hymns. Honestly He is our saving grace and we all need his constant care.

1. 1. I need thee ev'ry hour,
   Most gracious Lord.
   No tender voice like thine
   Can peace afford.
2. (Chorus)
   I need thee, oh, I need thee;
   Ev'ry hour I need thee!
   Oh, bless me now, my Savior;
   I come to thee!
3. 2. I need thee ev'ry hour;
   Stay thou nearby.
   Temptations lose their pow'r
   When thou art nigh.

3. I need thee ev'ry hour,

In joy or pain.

Come quickly and abide,

Or life is vain.

4. I need thee ev'ry hour,

Most holy One.

Oh, make me thine indeed,

Thou blessed Son!

My testimony of prayer has grown immensely. I know I struggled because I felt like I never got answers but He is listening and knows what's best for us. He may hold back from answering us because it's not the right time but if we can continue to trust in him he will be there and help us always. 

Trust in the Lord's timing because he knows the way. It's a constant lesson I'm continuing to master and although I feel so far from conquering it completely I know that I will get there with baby steps.

God is good. So good.

Love

Aubrey

Abide With Me

Oh my dearest savior.

Abide with me.

Take my hand and stay.

A daughter of God,

cherished and loved.

Please show me your way.

Stay thou nearby.

oh dearest Lord.

and hear my faintest cries.

Oh Lord,

please sit awhile and abide with me

because I need thee

every hour

I strive to be my best me

the person you want me to be.

My dearest Heavenly Father,

your plan is the greatest

and trusting is my weakness.

Help me to have strength,

Help me to be believing,

Help me to be courageous

and do as ye would have me do. 

Savior, stay thou nearby.

Please sit awhile

and help me feel thy love.

my light is dim

these eyes are tired

this heart is hurt.

Take my hand oh Lord

I'm ready to follow.

To follow the path

that ye hath chosen for me,

You're beloved daughter Aubrey Marie.

A Blue Gifter

two posts in two days? getting a little out of hand if you ask me..but i've been frustrated this past month because i've wanted to write more but i never know what to write about and now that i've got something i figure that it's best for me to write it down now.

so. i have a really hard time expressing my emotions. i very much dislike confrontation, disagreements, arguments, anything that has to deal with face to face communication. haha that didn't just sound like the technologic generation at all! it's not that i prefer to argue over text because lets be real here, that's absolutely awful. it's not that i prefer to communicate with the world through my phone. i honestly just have a really hard time sharing my emotions with others. when i'm being sentimental telling my friends i love them i almost get teary-eyed. yeah! i know. emotional much?? ...that's why it doesn't happen often. {side note} one time i told jaz about this song that i loved but i couldn't find the artist who covered it. a few weeks later she told me that she found the artist and then played the song. i burst into tears and just hugged her. for real tho. emotional. but it meant so much to me! {end of side note} even when i'm heading out the door and jaz yells "i love you! drive safe!" i can't seem to get the words "love you too" out of my mouth. it's so frustrating. it's not that the feelings aren't mutual it's just a lot harder for me to express it so bluntly.

if i've learned anything about myself it's that my love language is gifts and i'm a blue personality. and yes i do believe in the whole love language/color personality tests. i love getting people gifts because it's my way of service. i love spending money on other people...i just wish i had the money to do it more often. when someone out of the blue buys me a gift because they thought i'd like it it means so much to me. some of you are probably reading this thinking that everyone needs to buy me things to make me happy, but let me tell you that's not it at all. we all love to hear praise from others, it's like that extra boost of confidence. when someone tells me what they admire about me or that they're proud of me it means just as much as a gift. just don't be offended when i don't use words to express my feelings to you.

I think the website says it best:

"don't mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver (as well as the giver) thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. if you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring that gift to you. ... gifts are heartfelt symbols to you of someone else's love and affection for you." 

i probably should have just put that at the beginning because it explains it way better than i did.

i'm always frustrated that i can't say the i love you's and the thank you's but i had a good friend sit me down and say "just because you love a different way doesn't mean that it's wrong." holy cow. you'd think i would have thought of that by now but i'm so glad he was blunt with me because i needed to hear that. yes, i'm still working on words of affirmation and sharing them more with people i love but i also know that if people knew this about me they would understand me a whole lot more.
**hence this really long blog post**

to go along with my love language and to explain my emotional wreck-ness? i am a blue personality and to save my time and yours i'm going to put down what they say on the website:

"Motive {Intimacy} 

Blues are motivated by Intimacy. They seek to genuinely connect with others, and need to be understood and appreciated. Everything they do is quality-based. They are loyal friends, employers, and employees. Whatever or whomever they commit to is their sole (and soul) focus. They love to serve and give of themselves freely in order to nurture others' lives.

About Blue

Blues have distinct preferences and have the most controlling personality. Their personal code of ethics is remarkably strong and they expect others to live honest, committed lives as well. They enjoy sharing meaningful moments in conversation as well as paying close attention to special life events (e.g. birthdays and anniversaries). Blues are dependable, thoughtful, and analytical; but can also be self-righteous, worry-prone, and moody. They are "sainted pit-bulls" who never let go of something or someone once they are committed. When you deal with a BLUE, be sincere and make a genuine effort to understand and appreciate them."

the reason why i believe in these tests is because they explain me almost perfectly. obviously there is going to be some things that i may not agree with but for the most part, THAT IS ME.

i've realized that i don't like confrontation or arguments because i know that whatever i say will come out wrong which usually causes more problems, more anger, and in the end a longer argument. if you ask jaz she'd tell you that if i'm upset i won't say anything, i'll just keep to myself. she practically has to pry it out of me because i feel so uncomfortable telling her why i'm bothered.

even though i have a hard time expressing myself i know that i was blessed with the ability to feel deeply, to love with all that i am, and a real understanding to do unto others as i would have others do unto me.

love

aubrey marie

if you'd like to see your love language or find out what color you are i've put the links below!

click here to discover your love language

click here to discover your personality color

i just think this picture goes with this post exceptionally well. and yes i did use this to tell someone i loved them because i thought it'd mean more than the average "i love you" text. 

{laughing at myself and my cheesiness}

Q: what did one autumn leaf say to the other?

A: i'm falling for you.

no worries. i'm laughing that i just put that as the title too.

but in all seriousness...

hi fall.
hi red, yellow, orange beautiful mountains.
hiiii...oh wait.
the fall season is practically over.
and i have yet to go to the mountains and hike by the yellow, red, and orange trees and take unbelievable amounts of cute pictures of my roomie.
which le duh! is the best part.

and you're all going to hate me after i say this, but the rainstorms are coming and i'm going to cry.
cause i don't like the rain.
most days.
when my feet get soaked and my clothes are sticking to me. lets be honest here. who likes that feeling??? because i really don't. it is so uncomfortable.

but this post isn't suppose to be a drag. it's just to tell you that like many of you, i too love fall and am sad that it's passing me by way too fast. october is halfway over already. i haven't carved my halloween pumpkin yet, i haven't taken cheesy pictures with my roommates dressed in our fall colors to blend in with the trees, cliche? yes. do i care? no. i haven't spent as much time outside as i would have liked. (but honestly i'm a wimp when it comes to the cold). jaz and i can't agree on what we should be for halloween. but for real. suggestions please!

some things that i have done?

i reunited with my perfect blonde nephew!
>>>Macklen Charles

i met the newest addition to my family! perfect nephew number 10.

>>>Anders Boyd

i didn't go to school because i believe that i deserved a full week of fall break

>>>snuggled with bae instead

i'm loving my red hair during this fall season

>>>sorry for the selfie

i received the best recognition from my work

>>>sorry inside joke

found this video that makes me laugh EVERY. TIME.

>>>english people man

learned how to play the guitar for 30 minutes until i lost patience with my weak fingers.

>>>excuse our closets

i don't know about you, but i'm making myself a promise that i will fulfill my october wishes. anyone is welcome to join me.

love

lobster

And now for a guest appearance from my amazing boss, Sam.

Once upon a time, in a land far far away, there lived a pair of munchkins... J Dumby and Aub Dawg. They had an awesome friend/coworker who they for no reason tormented and tortured. All he wanted to do was make their lives better and they had nothing but harsh words and mean actions towards him. They physically, mentally, and spiritually abused him day after day. He cried himself to sleep just about every night. Then one day came where he was being especially nice to them and they started to punch him. Aub dawg used her wedgie snapping super powers to punch him in the arm and he posted a selfie to both of their special profiles of their faces to seek revenge on them and then for no apparent reason they deleted the pictures of the cheeks of fury. One day he prays that these two will learn kindness but until then the two munchkins will continue their streaks of terror! 

Sadly written by an abused fellow...

Beware of the stinky footed munchkins!

Girls Night

What's better than General Conference? Nothing really but the bonus part is priesthood session because while men get to learn how to do their responsibilities even better than they already do, us women get to have girls night!

I remember in junior high when the guys would go on Saturday night, my friends and I would always make chocolate chip cookies for them when they finished just to tell them we appreciated them and their willingness to go to the priesthood session. I remember the happiness it brought me seeing them after and knowing that they were spiritually fed.

This time I got to be with my family for girls night.

We did face masks

We painted our nails

Even got some halloween spiders in there. (Done by Emily)

We watched a movie

Of course we watched Frozen... and yes we all sang to mostly every song.

And best of all we had yummy delicious treats!

Pretzel's, rolos, and pecans.

It tastes like a Take 5

And I think I ate most of the plate.

Even my nieces kept sneaking them so mom wouldn't see...

Homemade chex mix

Mom's homemade Queso dip 

It was a pretty fantastic night especially since it had been so long since I had seen my brother's family. I love hanging out with them and being the favorite aunt :) Sorry Em.

Love

Lobster

The "I want" Monster

Say hello to the "I want" monster. Obviously tells me about the things that I "need" and reiterates the things that I don't have or the things I don't do well enough.

There's so many things that I see daily that I want to do or I want to be more like this or I want that car or I want... I want... I want...! blah. I'm so over it. even though later today I'll see something and still want it.. I guess it's how society is. I mean we don't have to be this way but it's hard to not compare yourself to other people or to want the latest fashion/toys. It's hard to shake that "I want" monster off.

It's hard to get away from social media and stalking everyone on everything. I see girls that I don't even know on Facebook and just think "Wow. They are beautiful...and perfect...and they are just winning at life. I want to be them." In reality, they aren't. They have problems just like I do. They have crappy days. We just don't see it through the pretty pictures that are posted on Instagram/Facebook/Twitter/Any other social media website that helps you feel bad about yourself.

But I think it's time that we stop comparing ourselves to everyone else. ... I mean maybe most of you don't feel this way but ya know. I'm just making a statement for those that do. We are all individuals that were created in the image of God. Even though I don't have the latest trends and I don't do my make up perfectly everyday... or don't wear make up at all... I know that he has blessed me with traits and talents that make up for what I view in myself as flaws.

I've been focusing my thoughts on knowing that God has a plan for me that is better than any plan I could make for myself.

“Our Father in Heaven is an eternal being whose experience, wisdom, and intelligence are infinitely greater than ours...He not only knows what is best for you; He also anxiously wants you to choose what is best for you.”

-Dieter F. Uchtforf, Women's General Conference

That means that all those wants of mine and all these little plans and expectations I have, often times turn into hurtful thoughts that cause me frustration, sadness, and even anger. It's frustrating when I don't accomplish the things that I'm trying so hard to do but it's okay because in the big scheme of things it will all workout because we have a Heavenly Father who cares about each and every one of us. He so desperately wants what's best for us and know's our divine potential.

Throughout the days when I see myself getting frustrated because I'm not conquering patience or having more faith or being more courageous I have to sit back and remind myself that it takes time. These things take time Aubrey. But then I realize that I'm not a patient person and so when "these things take time" I get even more frustrated because it feels like it's going to be forever. 

Quite an annoying cycle really.

I've been in a phase of not really knowing what life is and what I truly want out of life, and I'm annoyed. Really annoyed. So I've decided to focus on the things that make me happy and see the positive things in life. See that everyone has good days and bad days. The occasional bad hair day is something that will happen. The day that your deodorant runs out and you're hoping all day that no one smells you will happen... guilty. You will get in arguments with people you care about. Crap happens guys. I'm sure I don't need to tell you that but I'm going to remind you that it does. 

I'm happy for the things that I have been blessed with. My amazing family and friends. In these hard times I'm learning to focus time and energy on those that I care about because I know that when I'm not focusing on myself, my worries and frustrations fade away. Here's to pictures that take me back to happy times in my life and make me smile.

and you know what? I'm not sorry for the picture overload. 

Love

Aubrey Marie