so. i have a really hard time expressing my emotions. i very much dislike confrontation, disagreements, arguments, anything that has to deal with face to face communication. haha that didn't just sound like the technologic generation at all! it's not that i prefer to argue over text because lets be real here, that's absolutely awful. it's not that i prefer to communicate with the world through my phone. i honestly just have a really hard time sharing my emotions with others. when i'm being sentimental telling my friends i love them i almost get teary-eyed. yeah! i know. emotional much?? ...that's why it doesn't happen often. {side note} one time i told jaz about this song that i loved but i couldn't find the artist who covered it. a few weeks later she told me that she found the artist and then played the song. i burst into tears and just hugged her. for real tho. emotional. but it meant so much to me! {end of side note} even when i'm heading out the door and jaz yells "i love you! drive safe!" i can't seem to get the words "love you too" out of my mouth. it's so frustrating. it's not that the feelings aren't mutual it's just a lot harder for me to express it so bluntly.
if i've learned anything about myself it's that my love language is gifts and i'm a blue personality. and yes i do believe in the whole love language/color personality tests. i love getting people gifts because it's my way of service. i love spending money on other people...i just wish i had the money to do it more often. when someone out of the blue buys me a gift because they thought i'd like it it means so much to me. some of you are probably reading this thinking that everyone needs to buy me things to make me happy, but let me tell you that's not it at all. we all love to hear praise from others, it's like that extra boost of confidence. when someone tells me what they admire about me or that they're proud of me it means just as much as a gift. just don't be offended when i don't use words to express my feelings to you.
I think the website says it best:
"don't mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver (as well as the giver) thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. if you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring that gift to you. ... gifts are heartfelt symbols to you of someone else's love and affection for you."i probably should have just put that at the beginning because it explains it way better than i did.
i'm always frustrated that i can't say the i love you's and the thank you's but i had a good friend sit me down and say "just because you love a different way doesn't mean that it's wrong." holy cow. you'd think i would have thought of that by now but i'm so glad he was blunt with me because i needed to hear that. yes, i'm still working on words of affirmation and sharing them more with people i love but i also know that if people knew this about me they would understand me a whole lot more.
**hence this really long blog post**
to go along with my love language and to explain my emotional wreck-ness? i am a blue personality and to save my time and yours i'm going to put down what they say on the website:
"Motive {Intimacy}
Blues are motivated by Intimacy. They seek to genuinely connect with others, and need to be understood and appreciated. Everything they do is quality-based. They are loyal friends, employers, and employees. Whatever or whomever they commit to is their sole (and soul) focus. They love to serve and give of themselves freely in order to nurture others' lives.
About Blue
Blues have distinct preferences and have the most controlling personality. Their personal code of ethics is remarkably strong and they expect others to live honest, committed lives as well. They enjoy sharing meaningful moments in conversation as well as paying close attention to special life events (e.g. birthdays and anniversaries). Blues are dependable, thoughtful, and analytical; but can also be self-righteous, worry-prone, and moody. They are "sainted pit-bulls" who never let go of something or someone once they are committed. When you deal with a BLUE, be sincere and make a genuine effort to understand and appreciate them."the reason why i believe in these tests is because they explain me almost perfectly. obviously there is going to be some things that i may not agree with but for the most part, THAT IS ME.
i've realized that i don't like confrontation or arguments because i know that whatever i say will come out wrong which usually causes more problems, more anger, and in the end a longer argument. if you ask jaz she'd tell you that if i'm upset i won't say anything, i'll just keep to myself. she practically has to pry it out of me because i feel so uncomfortable telling her why i'm bothered.
even though i have a hard time expressing myself i know that i was blessed with the ability to feel deeply, to love with all that i am, and a real understanding to do unto others as i would have others do unto me.
love
aubrey marie
if you'd like to see your love language or find out what color you are i've put the links below!
click here to discover your love language
click here to discover your personality color
i just think this picture goes with this post exceptionally well. and yes i did use this to tell someone i loved them because i thought it'd mean more than the average "i love you" text.
{laughing at myself and my cheesiness}
